Oh Dear God (Kamal)

Thank you for being born in this world as an actor. You are one of the world’s best acting universities. To stop kindergarten children from writing big essays about your worth in your latest movie, I suggest you implement the following 5 commandments in your movies going forward.

• Please do not do complex subjects based on stuff such as chaos theory, butterfly effect, existence of God, weapons of mass destruction, etc. Most of our audience may not understand such stuff, and the movie ends before the average film-goer realizes the various nuances and how you have tied all loose ends up.
• Don’t bother to do your roles to such perfection. The problem that arises out of it is that people think that it is 10 different people who are doing these roles, and then, the film becomes bland. In an era where people can’t make double roles look different from each other, doing it 10 roles with such precision to detail may make people think it cannot be the same person.
• Subtle humor it seems is not the order of the day. If you keep doing Panchatantiram and Sathi Leelavathi type of movies, people start expecting Crazy Mohan type dialogues even in Anbe Sivam maybe.
• Please use well-done songs (and a lot of them) in the most meaningless of places in the movie to help disrupt the flow of the movie. It seems that underplayed songs that merge with the story are not the order of the day.
• Do not use computer graphics in your movies – people will start comparing you to Hollywood graphics. They don’t understand that such movies are made with budgets ranging typically in the Rs. 200 Crores range. They won’t compare you with other Tamil movies where nothing else in the same scale was ever done.

Last but not the least, on a serious note, I do hope that your next film will not see you in any make-up since the expressions on your face go for a toss with all the make-up involved.