Thursday, October 21, 2010

The 10 types of people attending a lecture

In any lecture or speech or workshop, you can typically identify 10 types of people who are attending it (other than the speaker himself / herself). Check out which of the following you fall under -
  1. The organizer - He is the one who introduces the speaker. And of course gives the vote of thanks, which however different or humorous he tries to make it, always consists of the same words. All eyes are usually turned on him when he announces where the snacks / lunch would be served.
  2. The sleeper - Afternoons (and many times, mornings) evoke a special kind of reaction from him. One moment, he would have been the most vocal guy. But two minutes later, he would just doze off with an appreciative nod. Advanced sleepers also take a pen and act as if they are writing while busy engaging in playing mind games inside Level 3 of Inception.
  3. The foodie - He comes to these workshops to hog on the nice cookies, the coke (and / or diet coke) cans, the Bisleri water bottles, and the special lunches. The organizer does not have to worry about food being wasted since the foodie usually compensates for up to 3 absentees. Taking more desserts than allocated is his USP!
  4. The silent nodder - The very serious looking guys for whom a smile is worth more than their life... They intersperse their boring existence with appreciative nods towards only the speaker. You could be pardoned in thinking they ignore everyone else.
  5. The class participation (CP) expert - All pent-up words come out of their mouth when they enter the lecture / workshop room. They touch upon history, geography, biology and mathematics before they come to their actual point.
  6. The dumb question irritator - A special version of the CP guy is the one who only asks questions to which everyone including his grandma know the answer to. These questions are deliberately planted so that the speaker reduces his / her charge for the workshop given the company has to make do with such low IQ levels.
  7. The good point accumulator - Another variation of the CP expert is the one who gets silly pleasures in being applauded on another 'good point' by the speaker. They keep count of how many times their points have been validated as 'good' by the speaker and put the number on their resume.
  8. The laptop exhibitor - This guy has a perennial appointment with Microsoft Outlook during the course of the workshop. It is another matter that he is looking at interesting forwards from friends than any office mail.
  9. The phone-call attender - Even if he usually gets only 1 call every week, his phone never stops ringing just during the duration of the speech / workshop. The ring-tones start with a loud one, then change to a Nokia / Blackberry default tune and end on an irritating vibration note. On an average, they do about 10 trips out of the room though hidden cameras point to 6 of them being toilet visits.
  10. The cross-talker - They like laughing, poking, hair-pulling, farting, and general chit chat, specially when the speaker is in the middle of something important. As soon as the primary job of distracting the audience and the speaker is accomplished, they immediately become the most attentive listeners.
Am sure all of us hop into one or more of the above over time :) Any more, kindly add in the comments...

(P.S: For simplicity sake, have used a 'he' in all places, also applies equally well for a 'she')

Thursday, October 07, 2010

Then versus Now - The top 10 differences

  1. Something plugged into your ears indicated you were deaf, not listening to an mp3 player
  2. 'Social network' meant something to do with USSR, India's biggest ally
  3. You needed advanced computer skills to transfer a file > 1.44 MB
  4. 'Gay' was just a simple synonym of happy
  5. Using the phone would utmost cause blisters, not cancer due to hidden rays
  6. 'Channel 2' or 'Second channel' always implied only one thing
  7. Colored-clothing cricket indicated a major world cricket tournament, not Ind vs. SL again
  8. Kissing a girl on the February 14th got the same tight slap
  9. If you had a Maruti car, you were 'different' from those that had Fiat or Ambassador
  10. Work from home meant you were out of a job...
Any other ones, please post them in the comments section...
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