2012-a very happy new year

Hello Girls & Boys... I am Writing Song...
2011 was'sup song... 2012's welcome pop song...

Why this kolaveri song'gu hit'tu dee? (4)

Internet'tu Youtube'u Youth'u...
Youth'u Share'u Tune'u...
Tune'u background lyrics'u music'cu
Music'cu super'ru nice'cu...
That's why this kolaveri song'gu hit'tu dee.... (2)

White'u dress'su anna hazare...
Hazare hear'tu lokpal'lu...
Congress'u Congress'u Meet'tu Meet'tu...
India future'u dark'ku...
That's why this kolaveri song'gu hit'tu dee.... (2)

Mama Raja eduthukko
Apdiye Kaila Kanimozhi eduthuko

Papapa Papapapa Papapa Pa Pa
Kambi Ennu...

Super Mama Ready, 1 2 3 4...

What a Change Over Mama..
Ok Mama... Now Tune Change'u...

Kaila World Cup'pu... Only English'a...

Hand'la World Cup'pu...
Cup'pu la Indian Team'mu...
Eyes'u Full'a Tear'ru..

Empty Life'u, Girl Come'u,
Bhacchan Family Cheer'ru...

Love'vu Love'vu English Love'vu
Royal Wedding (V)Wow'vu...

Kavvu Kavvu, Manna Kavvu...
Gaddafi Osama Bow'u!

God, Steve Jobs Dying Now'vu
You are Happy How'vu?

This'su song'gu for 2012'u....
We do have choice'su...

Happy new year'ru new year'ru now'vu...
Exciting things are always'su in tow'vu...
Let this year bring'gu lots of love'vu...
Happy new year'ru once again'nu now'vu...

Why Ravichandran Ashwin did not take the final run...

By now, everyone and their grandmother have shouted at our poor Ashwin for not attempting the 2nd run in the final test against the West Indies. Ashwin has been having a hard time defending himself on Twitter (you should never do that since it's filled with morons)

Experts have quickly come to his rescue by analyzing the reasons behind the decision to not go for the 2nd. As a Tam Brahm, these reasons have not come as a surprise to me at all. After all, these are ingrained in every one of us - in our actions and in our value systems...

1. Very early on, we are taught by our parents to be good to our guests after you have gotten what you want. We should share our chocolate (after your 2-3 chocolates). And never be too greedy for anything (publicly at least). When India had already won the test and he was a sure-shot man of the match (with a 5-wicket haul and a 100 to boot) and man of the series, it was time to share the spoils. 
2. Our granddad and dad swear by Malcolm Marshall, Michael Holding, Vivian Richards and the likes. Given their love for West Indian cricket and the abysmal position it is in today, there is a high chance that he was bombarded by calls from appa, peripa, chitappa, thatha, thatha's brother etc. the previous night to take it easy with them.  
3. In Chennai street cricket, you don't run much. Specially if you are his size. You hit your runs in fours and sixes. In school cricket, more so, since you have to stand in the Madras summer heat for a full day. Hence preserving energy is of utmost importance. Running the 2nd is not a default action that our mind understands. And most importantly, it was the last ball of the over, and we love our 'over-gaji' (though it does not hold good in the last over)  
4. Ashwin has just gotten married. Which means he has found a girl. At the age of 25. That is just plain rare! The probability of him meeting her at a puja at home is close to 95%. Given how difficult it is for us to interact with girls, the probability that he prayed to God during that puja that he will sacrifice something soon in return for her hand is close to 105%. And sacrifice he did, an inconsequential match... 
5. Last but not the least, we are brought up on curd rice - a high quantity of which he would have had during lunch-time given the other dish which was 'Gobi Manchurian' resembled something chicken. And his recent marriage means he has had food at his in-laws place just before the match started. With this kind of a gastronomic background, it is not fair to expect him to run so much. And at such a crucial time.   
6. UPDATE: A bonus one that was earlier missed - the 'poonal' certainly got in the way while running around!

 Now that these reasons are well established, experts believe that these nonsense accusations will die down soon and sanity will prevail...

P.S1: the above is just for arbit fun. He deserved his MoM and MoS. All those who are stupidly shouting around can seriously shut up given the match would have been long lost if not for his contributions.  

P.S2: Image courtesy - www.sportinglife.com 

30 Things you should know about a Tamil Wedding Reception

1. One amongst the couple is a foreign-settled expat that has come to India to tie the knot.
2. The match has been made courtesy bharatmatrimony.com or better still, tamilmatrimony.com. If not, the guy saw the girl at some religious function at home.
3. The wedding is scheduled a few days before the start of the ‘no-good thing can be done’ Margazhi month.
4. The gift you should buy is one amongst a million clocks at the nearest gift shop or a coupon from any Lifestyle.
5. If you are confused between wearing a formal dress and a traditional South Indian one, always choose a kurta-jeans combo! The groom will probably be wearing a glossier version of the same. Or a Raymond's suit.
   
6. Don’t drive past the reception hall if you see different names outside. South Indians have more name aliases than the number of fake IDs you had during chat-room and Orkut days.
7. Chennai autos usually charge triple the regular fare. For reception hall areas, it goes up to multiples of 5. So taking the car is a better option.
8. The car park will have 1/10^th the size that is actually required to hold the crowd. People who think they are clever by coming in late always end up having to park the car a few streets away.
9. The invitees typically include family, friends, friends of family, family of friends, random maamas and maamis and so on and so forth.
10. You should neither land up too early (as you might be asked to do some work) nor too late (it might be too obvious that you have just come for the food)
11. The bride and groom will always land up 45 minutes after the time that is printed on the invitation. If you want to one-up them, land 1 hour later.
12. The practice of giving some sugar candy and sprinkling rose water is passé. Don’t be perturbed about abandoned front benches with the designated folks munching some bhelpuri in a corner.
13. If you have a sweet tooth, it is a good time to stuff it in. Use the sugar at the front-bench to good effect.
14. You could also steal the rose water sprinkler from the front-bench and provide some laughs to the gang by sprinkling it on unsuspecting maamas and maamis while you are seated.
15. You will always end up meeting one maama or maami who will question you about things that you don’t want to answer.
16. You will occasionally meet a childhood friend that you never cared about at school but have to act as if you were only thinking about them all these years.
17. You will meet a good looking girl that you once had a crush on, but is now wearing a 9-yard saree to cover the triple-layer fat that she has put on after delivering 3 babies.
18. While waiting to meet the couple, you will be served one of two juices – pineapple or grape. The only binding factor is the throat ache and/or cold that you have afterwards.
19. The queue to meet the couple is longer than the one at the American consulate in Chennai.
20. A good way to beat the queue is to know one of the parents well enough; there will be a lot of elders who flout the queue, don’t let your tempers flare!
21. When you meet the couple, they will have an artificial smile, and always utter the same two phrases – ‘Thanks for coming’, and ‘Please have food and go’.
22. ‘Best of Luck’ is an accepted wish. In addition to wishing someone before their exams and Formula-1 races, it can also be mouthed at couples starting their journey into marital bliss.
23. Prior to meeting the couple, decide on whether you will pose for the photo camera or the video camera – the two people who handle it will fight to their death over who gets your attention.
24. The live music concert will have a pair of twins singing. Where cost cutting has been employed, you will listen to pre-recorded ‘heavy’ music. There will always be a few elders who feign Carnatic music knowledge parked in the front seats.
25. If you want first choice of all the buffet items, go in early for the food. The later you get in, the more the number of missing items from the menu.
26. The buffet will have a panneer gravy dish, Gobi Manchurian dry, bisibele bath, dosa, bhel-puri and ice-cream (over and above a million other cross-country, multi-colored oily dishes). Don’t waste time on the sambhar, rasam, salads etc. that you can get for less than 20 bucks at the restaurant outside the hall. Whatever you eat, curd rice is a must at the end of it all.
27. There will be a mom holding out an ice-cream for her son as if his life depended on eating it. The son has gotten his hands so messed up with eating the other buffet items. Requesting for a finger bowl at the end of the buffet is not encouraged!
28. After food, you feel obligated to stay longer to appease your friend. The bride and groom don’t care less. So you can actually leave anytime you want after the food.
29. While going out, you will need to compulsorily carry back home the useless bag that has one coconut and some betel leaves; if you don’t, you will offend the elders around.
30. After coming back home, you are within your rights to think that Tamil receptions are the most boring events ever and curse yourself for missing the IPL match…

Any more must-knows, kindly add them in the comments section...

10 signs that you should run away from a restaurant

Have you ever entered a new restaurant in two minds? Whether to risk it and have food there. Or run away at the slightest hint... Here are 10 signs that should force you to do the latter -

1. Valet parking guys are fighting amongst themselves to take your car; for all you know, they might have to wait many days for the next customer
   
2. There is a longer queue to the restroom than to the restaurant
3. The number of waiters is greater than the number of people eating in the restaurant; also - a few of them are having their own joke after seeing you come in while the others are busy fetching parcels from the opposite restaurant
   
4. The perfume smell is awesome; however it is not emanating from the non-bathed rich folks but from the room freshener used to remove the food stink
   
5. The ambience is confusing and shady - the walls have too many paintings to cover the cracks, or there are too many coochie-cooing couples with hardly any food in their plates, or the customers look like goondas from a Rajini movie
6. The phone is continuously ringing but the answerer asks for the person to come the next day, to collect his money
   
7. Instead of music, you can hear a soft prayer, from those eating the food
   
8. You are confused if the bowl that went past was a soup bowl or a finger bowl
9. The menu serves both Idli and Chinese Noodles
10. People are congregating in the center of the table, emptying their wallets, watches and chains to pay the bill

Anything more, add in the comments section!

10 things you should stop doing on Facebook

Now that everyone and their grandfather is on Facebook, you should stop doing the following things on this social network. Only because they have been used, misused and overused to death. Here's the list...

1. The 'Dfghsjfldjf' status message - For God's sake, lock your phone. Or stop giving it to your kid.
   
2. 'Go Knicks!' - You American sport aspirational fanatic who needs to desperately shed the 'desi' image, stop bothering the common man cricket fans.
   
3. '#fb' at the end of your status - Hello Twitter folks! Lazy bums. Can't you use Twitter and FB for different things please?
   
4. 'Copy paste this to show your...' - We know beyond that, you never did anything for that cause. (A variation of this is the paranoia message saying Facebook has changed some privacy setting and confusing the heck out of people)
   
5. Talking about your FB usage - Do you ever go to office and tell folks around you 'I am not working enough'? Same with FB, you don't have to put a status saying you are not using FB as much as you used to.
   
6. Liking your own comment - Losers! An alternate ploy is to pay someone else to do this if no one else genuinely wants to like your comments (Another version of this is plugging in your own blog, which will certainly happen for this one too)
   
7. Use that friend finder - Everyone who bothers about you or you bother came into FB donkey's years ago.
   
8. Tagging a million arbit ppl in a photo - Just because you want everyone to look at that photo, which has you and your dog probably, don't go on into one tagging spree.
   
9. Putting your baby photo as your display pic - That display pic is also for your friends to quickly scan the feed and check updates. We can't differentiate between one baby and another. You have an infinite-capacity photo album waiting to put your baby photos.
   
10. Complete albums with no captions - For this one reason, 'Select All' should be banned. You get to see 5 versions of every single photo - each having different exposures of your teeth. And worst of all, absolutely no context to any image.
    

Any more such trends, please leave it on the comments!