Thursday, January 21, 2010

Top 10 unwanted exercises when having food

Eating food is part of our daily life. However, there are various interruptions and physical activities that annoy us at different points in time while performing this important activity. The following list contains the top 10 pain points* in my list, and proposed mitigation strategies to overcome them...

  1. When: During any buffet
    What: Standing in a line for food + Walking and eating + Sheepish grin to the server for second helping
    Mitigation: Wear a shirt with enough pockets for storage, so you can go hide the food and go home and conveniently have it in your plate
  2. When: Washing your hands using a finger bowl
    What: Water is just not enough and you can't use it after 2 seconds once dirt mixes with it
    Mitigation: When no one is watching, pour drinking water on your hand into the finger bowl; In case of a Chinese restaurant, you can utilize warm Chinese tea as an alternate to ice cold water
  3. When: Badly made 'bakshanam' (thats Tamil for oily snacks / sweets!)
    What: Chance of losing a few of your remaining teeth
    Mitigation: Utilize a road roller** that might be near your house / grinder inside house to have a liquefied / powdered snack
  4. When: Eating curd / rasam rice from a banana leaf (in South Indian marriages)
    What: The buttermilk / rasam generally has a liking for flowing out of the leaf on to your lap
    Mitigation: Befriend the cook and get a small plate to have 'liquidy' items (also utilized by Maamis for stealing the extra payasam or sweet for their beloved sons)
  5. When: When you are stuffed to the brim by your in-laws
    What: Showing you have not wasted too much food
    Mitigation: Disperse the wasted food across the entire plate / neighbour's plate (obviously, when they are not looking at it)
  6. When: Separate coffee, milk and sugar, served in aircrafts and five star hotels
    What: Any mix of the above always ends in a crappy product to drink
    Mitigation: Have tea or better, alcohol!
  7. When: Chapathi / Roti
    What: Tearing out a small piece, one after the other
    Mitigation: Tell spouse that it is very romantic if he / she does the tearing and feeds you (in Tamil, called 'ooti-vittifying')
  8. When: Food is too hot
    What: The 'oof - oof' blowing to remove the vapors and the endless wait thereafter
    Mitigation: 1 minute in the freezer
  9. When: Pizza with fork and knife
    What: That feeling of a wood-cutter working hard, with sweat all over.
    Mitigation: The hand of God!, rather use your own hands
  10. When: Spreading hard jam or butter on bread
    What: You end up cutting the bread or breaking it rather than spreading the jam or butter
    Mitigation: Adopt the idli - chutney mode of taking a piece of idly and mixing it with chutney / sambhar and having, where bread = idly and jam / butter = chutney (fall back option for #7 above in case you are pained with that as well)
Any more, please add them in the comments section along with the mitigation strategy...

* All in jest, so don't take any comment personally against your region's food
** Adopted from Koundamani suggestion in the movie Yejaman (Tamil)

1 comment:

cHillMaadiSaar said...

When: Your better half painstakingly makes "new" food for you
What: It isn't all that great, but you can't tell him/her that at the risk of making them your Bitter half
1. If you have a Dog at home, sneak out the food
2. Profusely complement her/him on looks, brains, weight loss, etc and accidently drop the food (assuming that there is just enough for one person)
3. Start with a toast and get yourself drunk.. food tastes better
4. More?

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