Ram Gopal Varma ki $&%@#

If you have seen the latest block”bust”er of a movie that is titled Ram Gopal Varma ki “$%@#$”… then you can try your luck at answering the following multiple choice questions. There is typically only one answer to every question…

(1) What is the name of the latest movie from the Ram Gopal Varma movie (not so) stable?

• Ram Gopal Varma ki “Theater se Bhaag”
• Ram Gopal Varma ki “Career mein Daag”
• Ram Gopal Varma ki “Bahut bura cog”…
• Ram Gopal Varma ki “Go for a jog”
• Ram Gopal Varma ki “Hit yourself with a log”

(2) What is missing between Nisha Kothari and Ajay Devgan?

• Physics
• Biology
• Mathematics
• Chemistry
• Social Sciences

(3) What amongst the following took the honors for “worst part of the film”?*

• Casting
• Camera
• Music (for the songs)
• Dialogues
• Direction

(P.S: The above is a very difficult question to answer. Hence you may tick more than one)

(4) What activity did Amitabh Bachan engage in throughout the movie?

• Bumming
• Humming
• Hamming
• Farming
• Harming

(P.S: Clue - The fourth mentioned activity may sound right usually but is not the correct answer w.r.t this movie)

(5) Nisha Kothari DOES NOT know which of the following activities

• Act
• Sign a pact
• Attract
• Shout
• Pout

(6) You will prescribe watching this movie to

• Your in-laws
• Your boyfriend / girlfriend who just broke up with you for someone else
• Your boss (with family)
• Your seniors in college who rag you
• Person on his death bed who is wishing for death faster

(7) Sound effects in the movie can cause which of the following sensations

• Ear drum being torn apart
• The sound of a supersonic jet going around inside the head
• Feeling of liquid / solid / semi-solid traveling upwards via the food pipe
• (At least) 7 hands holding the neck firmly
• Shivering and vibration of the whole body

(8) Why did Ram Gopal Varma remake the movie in the first place?

• He wanted to get back at Sippy for not selling him the rights
• He had signed a contract with Nisha Kothari to utilize her “services” in at least three films
• He wanted to “cash” in on Ajay Devgan’s last few successes
• He wanted to show Urmila in an item number one last time before she started accepting sister character roles
• He did not have any other way to show he had “fire” in his belly

(9) You would term the movie as

• A Great Hit
• Deep Shit
• Absolutely Unfit
• Go and spit
• Beyond one’s wit

(10) If Ram Gopal Varma makes one more remake of any film, it could probably be which of these masterpieces?

• Neal aur Nikki
• Roop Ki Rani, Choron Ka Raja
• James
• Marigold
• Ram Gopal Varma ki “Aag”

If you need further clues on answering any of the questions, also read Rajeev Masand’s article on CNN IBN here.

Bollywood's benevolent babes...

The other day, I was watching this movie called “Shaadi No. 1” on one of the very few Hindi channels I have access to. In the middle, there was an advertisement for the new movie (which I have heard is extremely crappy and over the top) called “Heyy Babyy” or something to that effect. One thing that is very common to these two movies is the number of second-grade actresses in both. Having a lot of them in each movie not just increases the average crowd pulling factor of the movie, it makes the job of film-making much easier for a lot of technicians. I am sure one can easily hazard a guess on their names. Let us see how these "babes" contribute immensely to the entire movie making fraternity ...

• They are all very good actresses – with one single expression, they are able to convey laughter, sorrow, surprise, anguish etc. – there is of course no other expression that they know to handle, hence the director is spared off a lot of effort.
• They give a lot of opportunity to the camera to cover them from different angles – their exposure levels differ from 50% to upwards of 90% from varying sides and positions.
• They save a lot of work for the costume designers – studies show more than 80% lesser apparel consumption since there is no cloth choli ke peeche, neeche or oopar…
• The hairstylist has a rest day since all of them dance with their hair loose – he / she of course does some minimal work the previous day by spraying all remaining Holi colors on their hair
• The dance master loses no sweat in teaching them exactly one move – shake from head to middle to bottom, one part at a time, with the hair flying all around and hands either on the hair, or on the guy(s) dancing with them…

So, be glad that if you are getting into the list of these Bollywood hotties and naughties, you sure are making the life of a lot of people easier...

P.S: The research material gathered for this article was under the strict supervision of my madam…