The online biggies in the Roman empire

In ancient Rome, Caesar once saw Cleopatra passing by and immediately alerted Brutus.

Csr: I just love her face, book her for me please, will you?
Bru: Oh that should be easy. I shall b(r)ing her for you. In the meantime, go ogle at her from far.
Csr: Yeah, who would miss that chance!
Bru: (mumbles to himself)....

Brutus lands up the same evening with Cleopatra inside his arms...
Csr: (shouting) You cheated me? She was the apple of my i. Why did you flick her from me?
Bru: She had sense Caesar. So she decided to pick me over you.
Csr: She was mine. You intruded into my space.
Cleo: (barging in) I didnt want an old (a)owl like you.
Bru: (looking at Cleopatra) This week I paid ya. You better come with me.
Csr: Nooooo... Stop. Take money. Take land. Take ranches. Take everything. Give her to me.
Bru: Chill Caesar. I m dabbling only for this week. I am going out wit her now. Tata bye pi Caesar.
Csr: (falling down from his throne) You tu(be) Brutus?...

(P.S 1: Refer here for a similar conversation on 'The first nIghT' though that was predominantly w.r.t. IT Services companies)

(P.S 2: Needless to say, this is completely for fun. No offense please!)

The Srilankan Cricket team inside a Tamil love story...

Overheard, a proposition, from Sekar (our hero), a pakka namma Chennai youth, trying to seduce Jaya (our heroine), a Madras baashai KD girl from Gummidipoondi...

S: Hi sexy girl, naan thaan sekar... Autokaara Sekar..
J: Vanakkam Ba. Naan thaan jaya, thotti jaya... Matter sollu...
S: Vandhu, ... Adhu Vandhu....
J: Ada, chattu puttu nu sollu da badhil shani yane...
S: Mudhalla... indhaanga poo, mothama arali tharen ungalukku... evalvu poo paarunga...
J: Cha nalla set malliga poo thara maata...
S: Adutha dhaba tharen... Naan vandhu ungala loves pannrenga...
J: Adada, enna loves pannrathukkellam oru thagudhi venum pa... Inna vandi otra nee?
S: Auto... Share auto...
J: Thoo share auto va...
S: Appadi korachu eda podadheenga. Unga mela total feelings nga, neruppu mela sathiyama...
J: Neruppu nu sonna thaan nyabagam vardhu, Kannu dham beedi etha pudippiya...
S: Cha cha, andha bad habits laan kadayaadhu...
J: Cha waste ba nee...
S: Naan waste a irukkalam, aana haste a decision edukkaadheenga...
J: Indha maari dialogue vittu nenjaya soriyariyepa...
S: Karpu god ram oda wife sita mela promise, en love no galeej and tremendous...
J: Cha, indha kosu tholla thaanga mudiyala pa...
S: Aan chellam mat use pannriya...
J: Dei unna thaan da sonnen...
S: Last and final time, kenji ketkaren... Emma, Ela, Jaya, Vardhaane ennoda...
J: Dei kulla sekara, ingendhu joot vidu, illa unna naalu kummu arai En sanga kaarana kudukka solluven...
S: OK saari. Next meet pannren... Vartaa....

And that is how the short love story between Jaya and Sekar ended...

Supporting Cast
dhil shan = Tilakaratne Dilshan
mothama arali tharen = Muthiah Muralitharan
la set malliga = Lasith Malinga
Thoo share = Thilan Thushara
Kannu dham bee = Thillina Kandamby
jaya soriya = Sanath Jayasuriya
Karpu god ra = Chamara Kappugedera
ej and tremendous = Ajantha Mendis
Aan chellam mat use = Angelo Mathews
ma, Ela, Jaya, Vardhaane = Mahela Jayawardane
kulla sekara = Nuwan Kulashekara
kummu arai En sanga kaarana = Kumara Sangakkara, the captain

The real meaning behind MBA resumes

One of the most important things that B-school students learn during their 2 years in college is the art of preparing resumes. They understand that their resume is their biggest self-marketing tool and spruce it up with tons of high-flown adjectives, adverbs and what not to ensure that they come out tops in getting at least a shortlist for an interview. Let us demystify some of the jargons that they use to spruce up their resume after a couple of years of life in IT.

Resume usage: “Core member of a large development project”
Real meaning: Was mostly involved in buying snacks for the team members. Helped out in some minimal documentation when someone was sick in the project…

Resume usage: “Led the business development team to win a large multi-year multi-million dollar proposal … “
Real meaning: Copy pasted over 75% of the proposal from a previous one. When everything else failed, we reduced our rates to such a ridiculous amount that we had to get the deal.

Resume usage: “Helped strategize on the business plan of the practice to focus on new and upcoming areas”
Real meaning: Put up a presentation for the senior management during one of the strategy sessions. PPT shelved into cold storage the next day.

Resume usage: “Underwent an exhaustive training program on strategic leadership”
Real meaning: Went to GRT Grand Days and had an extremely fulfilling buffet lunch. Had a good sleep away from project pains during the training sessions…

Resume usage: “Championed organization activities including recruitment efforts, pre-placement talks etc.”
Real meaning: Was one of the over two hundred panellists in one of our usual mega-recruitment drives when the number of panellists is generally more than the number of candidates.

The first nI(gh)T

(Disclaimer: The following is the transcript of a what we think is a heated IT related debate between husband and wife during their first night. Rest is left to interpretation :-))

Wife enters the room with her usual bunch of fruits and a glass of milk… Husband is seated on a nice cosy(e) be(y)d…

Wife: Why do you look so amaze(d) on seeing me!?
Husband: I B(ea)M with new energy and excitement as you enter the room…
Wife: Huh. Let(s) pack (some) hard action and talk crap later… (thinking to herself what a Bore (she has) landed with)
Husband: YE YE! A Sport(s)y wife!!! So do you wish for a Sun or a daughter?
Wife: Its your wish dear… (implied “you moron”)
Husband: I want a Sun. Sun is always INTELligent… So I want you to have an Apple a day…
Wife: And why is that???!!!
Husband: An Apple a day keeps the daughter away…
Wife: Sigh Man… Tech industry has so many dumbos who don’t know proper English… This is my fate…

Lights are switched off… In the darkness, the last heard shouts were…
Husband: ……… YAHOO!!!!!!!……… Goo gal go…
Wife: ……… What are you yelling about…? How can you hope for a Sun when you are all micro (&) soft…