The 3 Ladies of my life

(Disclaimer / Warning: Sentiment Attack in the offing!)

On the occasion of International Women’s day, I want to pay my tributes to the 3 women who have so painstakingly and meticulously made me what I am today - in an ungrudging manner. At times, it gets so ridiculous that I ask myself, ‘What did I ever do in my previous birth that I deserve this magical treatment from these 3 souls?’… I guess I am not the only one having this particular string of thoughts. Probably, a good part of ‘man’kind has similar thoughts too. And not for no reason…

God has created this remarkable woman race that way - to bring in patience, compassion and selfless love into this otherwise crude and aggressive world of men. Those grandmothers who pray and toil for the education of their grand kids… Those moms who multi-task more than the brightest of CEOs to take care of husband, kids and in-laws… Those wives who continue the tradition of the moms and grand-moms and compromise and sacrifice their career dreams, and put your baby to sleep so that you can continue your rise up the corporate ladder…

And these are the 3 great ladies in my life too…

Let us start off with the oldest of the lot, my paternal grandmom. ‘Keetha’ is what I named her when I was aged 3. Her actual name was Seetha and my not-so-legible diction created the name that I called her as! She was a renowned radio singer and had retired from active singing around the time I was born. I was the eldest grandson and the darling of the entire household. And more so for Keetha paati... She would always hold me and be around wherever I went. Keetha paati had a super stress on education given that was our only way to success in life as a poor family, and that sort of set the trend for my entire student life. Though she had probably never gone beyond her 10th Std. in school, she was my tutor for all subjects. If I had to be woken up at 4 am to do some last minute studying, she would ensure that I wake up with a cup of coffee to start the day with. She had the pride in her eyes when I got first in class even in a small assignment.

She had to take care of the entire household – from cooking, to managing the accounts, to running the household activities. Despite all the pressures and day-to-day difficulties that a typical lower middle class family had to endure, she always had a smile to cheer everyone up. The only time I saw her cry was when I stood first in school in my 10th Std. When I came running in to see her reaction, she was inside the puja room. I could see her sobbing softly in front of the deity. Those cries were of happiness, of an achievement that she felt was more than any of her own. I did reciprocate the tears many years later when she passed away after a prolonged fight against Parkinsons. It had pained me no end to see the hyper-active lady lying on the bed without being able to do much activity for many of her final years. When God took her away, I felt that he probably needed her compassion and energy to help the deprived people up there…

The same compassion and energy is visible in my mom too. She has to be the craziest person inhabiting this earth. She has this undying faith and love for her kids. Managing the triple role of daughter in law, wife and mom, she feels that her life revolves around making the people around her happy. Managing my 90 year-old granddad in a way only she understands... Managing the household tasks through the entire day, 365 days in a year, with a not so cooperative maid servant... Managing my over-worked dad's spiritual trips... All, while being away from her sons for the most part of the year is a tremendous achievement.

For her, the whole world comes to a standstill when her sons are around. Her ears become deaf to any request from us to stop doing anything for us. Suddenly from nowhere, food items will land around us. The AC would be on automatically when we come anywhere near the house. Her chronic back pain suddenly vanishes and she is able to effortlessly accomplish a million tasks at one go. To see such a lady smile for two days in a month is the least that the career focused guys of this generation can do. Whenever we get a chance, my brother and myself go to Chennai to just see the happiness in her face. The happiness that would not arise if you gave her a crore rupees, or make her live like a queen in Chennai, away from her sons. The mom she is, she understands the career aspirations of the so-called 'educated' class of this generation and keeps her feelings to herself... Luckily, she does have two very good daughters-in-law whom she can share her feelings with...

A lady with a fantastic mix of the traditional and the modern - my wife is the most beautiful lady on this earth. She is a lot more educated than women of the previous generation, so her career is certainly important to her. But it is certainly not as important as seeing me happy. Sometimes it pains me that she cannot pursue her banking interests sitting in Bangalore. She has accompanied me wherever my job has taken me to, so Bangalore it is, currently. She has adjusted her work interests to ensure we stay in the same city. For her, this world is me. And I know that she loves me a lot. And I love her a lot too...

As a modern woman, she has a mature mind for her age. She likes planning for the future. For a good life ahead. And has inculcated the Finance 101 lessons in a carefree person like me to help us save up for a bright time to look forward to. At the same time, there is still a small child inside her. I know that when we are ready to start a family, she has to bear and take care of one herself. And that is probably going to drain her energy even more than taking care of the household with me around (I am assuming our kid will certainly have some of my lazy qualities!). Whatever support I give her, which I will, she is going to physically and mentally be the center of the child’s ecosystem. And to continue running the household and taking care of the kid while having a successful corporate career - she needs to have abundant energy and will power to win... She certainly is the modern day embodiment of what my grand-mom and my mom were...

Three ladies… Many generations… Tons of compassion and will power... Mentally and emotionally the center of our lives…

I am sure that you all will be able to relate to some, if not all of the above characters in your lives too. If you have also been lucky enough, then take a moment off to thank them for that. If you have not, it is high time that you go out into the real world and find your true love at least…

(P.S: It feels good to have written this article finally. To single out one day in a year for celebrating the greatness of women is not fair to the impact they have on our lives. However, it does help in poking the lazy bums like me to at least write something on that one day. And probably poke some other lazy bums in passing a long pending bill in the Parliament…)

(P.S 2: There are a lot more ladies that have had a great impact on my life and I am thankful to every one of them. My grandma from my mom side, my aunts from both dad and mom side, my cousin sisters and bro's wife, my wife's mom and sis, tons of my friends and friends' spouses, colleagues, blog followers etc. The 3 that I have called out in this article are the ones that I have had the longest association with...)

Arbit Thoughts - Why would you ever change caterers...

Today, we had the umpteenth change in our caterer for breakfast. I am sure this happens in almost all companies regularly. There are several conditions under which this usually happens, some of which include - (a)The Facilities Dept. decides to do some extra work (b) Jobless employees crib to death on your bulletin board (mind you, they always crib about all food, or rather, about everything under the sun) (c) >5 cockroaches were found on the same day in the food. Almost always, it takes off from points (a) or (b).

Just as Rachel responds to Ross in F.R.I.E.N.D.S, "No uterus, No opinion", people should probably be told, "No cook, No talk". After all, mediocrity in catering is the established norm. From the caterer's side, you can well imagine their predicament. If they increase the quality of their food, that puts them in direct fight with their industry counterparts who will boycott them. They would also be made fun of, that they’d rather be in the restaurant business, not in the catering business, if they want to do cook really food. If they reduce the quality of the food to abysmal levels, cribs reach all time highs. So they have to maintain a standard in mediocrity perennially.

If the people in your org crib about an existing caterer the next time, the best strategy to follow is to implement the revolving caterer policy. This is how it works – you have one test caterer every week for a period of 4 – 5 weeks, after which the employees can themselves choose the best one. The first day always starts off with cribs about the speed of service. The second day is about the lack of variety in items. The third day is about the general quality of food. The 4th day - a cockroach would have been found in the sambhar. And the 5th day of the week, well no one actually cares as they eat out! So by the time the caterer’s test period is over, he is more or less out of there. After 4 – 5 weeks of painful tries, people would just want to go back to the original caterer since he is a known devil. For once, too many cooks, do not spoil the broth!

Arbit Thoughts - Why are the S sized fellas subsidizing XXL ones?

Why is it that the cost is the same, whether you buy an S size or an XXL size apparel? Isn't it painful for those who are slightly built that they end up subsidizing the cost of the XXL guy's cloth for a lifetime? They eat lesser food all their life. Or spend the extra energy forever to be slim and thin. And finally end up paying for the big ones to get their clothes at the same rate. A lifetime of spending extra for a XXL cloth might just make one think of reducing a few kgs!

The only ones who should not have this grudge are those that genetically cannot put on weight even if they eat and drink mountain-loads. Those are the lucky buggers for whom the thought of having pizza every once in a while does not bring guilt pangs. Those lucky buggers...

The one place where this grudge turns into admiration is for men's underwear. You might actually feel "Oh yeah, that guy I am actually subsidizing is awesome. He is my God. Maybe every rupee I spend, is actually going for pubic welfare"...

Valentine's Day - The lover vs. The loner

Top 10 unwanted exercises when having food

Eating food is part of our daily life. However, there are various interruptions and physical activities that annoy us at different points in time while performing this important activity. The following list contains the top 10 pain points* in my list, and proposed mitigation strategies to overcome them...

1. When: During any buffet
   What: Standing in a line for food + Walking and eating + Sheepish grin to the server for second helping
   Mitigation: Wear a shirt with enough pockets for storage, so you can go hide the food and go home and conveniently have it in your plate
2. When: Washing your hands using a finger bowl
   What: Water is just not enough and you can't use it after 2 seconds once dirt mixes with it
   Mitigation: When no one is watching, pour drinking water on your hand into the finger bowl; In case of a Chinese restaurant, you can utilize warm Chinese tea as an alternate to ice cold water
3. When: Badly made 'bakshanam' (thats Tamil for oily snacks / sweets!)
   What: Chance of losing a few of your remaining teeth
   Mitigation: Utilize a road roller** that might be near your house / grinder inside house to have a liquefied / powdered snack
4. When: Eating curd / rasam rice from a banana leaf (in South Indian marriages)
   What: The buttermilk / rasam generally has a liking for flowing out of the leaf on to your lap
   Mitigation: Befriend the cook and get a small plate to have 'liquidy' items (also utilized by Maamis for stealing the extra payasam or sweet for their beloved sons)
5. When: When you are stuffed to the brim by your in-laws
   What: Showing you have not wasted too much food
   Mitigation: Disperse the wasted food across the entire plate / neighbour's plate (obviously, when they are not looking at it)
6. When: Separate coffee, milk and sugar, served in aircrafts and five star hotels
   What: Any mix of the above always ends in a crappy product to drink
   Mitigation: Have tea or better, alcohol!
   
7. When: Chapathi / Roti
   What: Tearing out a small piece, one after the other
   Mitigation: Tell spouse that it is very romantic if he / she does the tearing and feeds you (in Tamil, called 'ooti-vittifying')
   
8. When: Food is too hot
   What: The 'oof - oof' blowing to remove the vapors and the endless wait thereafter
   Mitigation: 1 minute in the freezer
9. When: Pizza with fork and knife
   What: That feeling of a wood-cutter working hard, with sweat all over.
   Mitigation: The hand of God!, rather use your own hands
   
10. When: Spreading hard jam or butter on bread
    What: You end up cutting the bread or breaking it rather than spreading the jam or butter
    Mitigation: Adopt the idli - chutney mode of taking a piece of idly and mixing it with chutney / sambhar and having, where bread = idly and jam / butter = chutney (fall back option for #7 above in case you are pained with that as well)
    

Any more, please add them in the comments section along with the mitigation strategy...

* All in jest, so don't take any comment personally against your region's food
** Adopted from Koundamani suggestion in the movie Yejaman (Tamil)